We are definitely a "rookie cop" family. Fuzz was sworn in a week ago. This morning at 5:30 AM he packed up the car and left for the Police Academy that is nearly 5 hours away.
He left right after I put Thing 2 back down after a feeding. We weren't going to wake Thing 1, but since she was freaking out over a lost pacifier in her bed... well, we figured she might as well say good-bye. According to her Daddy has to "go away," but I don't know if she gets it yet.
She crawled in bed with me, we said goodbye, and the tears began to fall.... for me, and for my new officer. He may kill me for writing that, being the tough cop and all, but he is human too.
It's not really the time away that is killing me, even though it partly is. It's the no phone calls, no texts, no emails that is killing me. When Fuzz worked at his other job, he did many days where he was not home all day and was still working past bedtime, but he always made the "night night call" to Thing 1, and was always in bed with me at some point in the night. That might be what's killing me most.
I think it is extra hard because FIRST: I don't really know what's going on for him. I don't like him not being able to check in and tell me how his day is going, or that he is okay. I'm not sure I can wait until the weekend to find out how badly they are yelling at him, or how badly they are "beating up" on him. SECOND: I am "stuck" home alone with a 2.5 year old, a 2 month old, and a mild case of post-partum depression. I don't like to even mention the last bit out loud (or in writing in this case). My post-partum hormones are still making me a little crazy.
I know Fuzz can handle whatever they throw at him, and I know he will be so preoccupied with his day that he won't have time to worry too much about us. It's not him I am worried about... It's my brain thinking "how am I going to do this by myself for the next three months?" That's what has me worried right now...
I know I will make it through this, it is only part way through day one... but it's going to be tough.
We Heart Our Cop! And we miss him already!
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