Am I Too Busy?

I'm not sure if I am too busy, or just too lazy.  The last post on here was from over a month ago.  Right after that post, I returned to work (after my maternity leave).  I think that is why my blogging came to a screeching halt.  

Well, November pretty much came and went.  Tomorrow is December.  Tomorrow is also Thursday.  That means we are two weeks from graduation.  Dealing with Fuzz being at the Academy has not gotten any easier.  I still cry at some point every Sunday when he has to head back.  Even knowing that I only have two Sunday's left to feel like that doesn't make it any easier.  

The weekend before Thanksgiving, Fuzz had to be back at the Academy super early on that Sunday.  Instead of him making the 4.5 hour drive home Friday night, and basically getting no sleep Saturday night to turn around.... well, I packed up Thing 1 and Thing 2 and drove down to stay at a hotel with him.  It was interesting driving that far with two kiddos, alone... but I survived it.  And, I get to do it all over again in two weeks... only that time he will be coming home too!

Thanksgiving was great because Fuzz got two extra days home.  I had a whole four nights with him at home!  It was amazing.  I still am not used to going to sleep alone.  I wonder how I will feel when he ends up working midnights and I have to continue going to sleep alone?

Well.... just thought I would update a little.  The countdown has definitely begun.  Only 15 days until I get my husband back!

Over 1/3 Of The Way!

Yesterday marked the beginning of Week Five!  We are now 1/3 of the way done.  It hasn't gotten any easier.  Sunday's are still really rough.  I guess the rest of the week is a little teeny bit easier, but I'm not sure I would really say easier.... more like I have gotten used to it a little bit.  Sunday is still the same.  I cry as soon as it gets to be close to the time Fuzz has to leave.  I would like to think that the next 8 weeks of Sunday's will get easier, but to be honest... they seem to be getting harder.  I think they are getting harder because I am just so tired of having to say "good-bye" for an entire week, week after week.

Last Wednesday, the middle of Week Four, Fuzz was allowed his very first phone call!  I was at practice for the swim team I coach, so I nearly missed the call.  By the time I answered, on the third try, we only had about 4 mins to talk.  Those were the best 4 mins I have had in a long time!  He got to call again Thursday night, but only because some of the recruits didn't get the call Wednesday night.  We are hoping they keep up the good work, and are allowed to call at least every Wednesday.  I will take one night, for a few mins!  It really did help me feel better about being home, as a single mom.

Well Thing 1 is up from a nap.  My single mom duties are calling!

Staying Busy

We are at the end of Week Two today.  Fuzz will hopefully be calling around 6 PM this evening to tell me he is on his way home.  In one sense this week has gone by really quickly because I have had a lot to do.  I have been busy with swim practice twice a week for the team I coach, and I have been busy visiting with my friends and their new baby in the hospital.  On the other hand, I feel like this week has gone on forever.  I feel like this week has been more than a week.  I feel like it's been forever since I have talked to or see Fuzz.  

I am really hoping that once I get into a better routine that the weeks will just fly by.  

We have a packed weekend this weekend.  I look forward to Fuzz coming home, but between him checking in at his department, running errands, and doing fun activities, the weekend just flies by way too fast.  Then it's back to the Academy, and the countdown to Friday begins all over again.  

On the agenda this weekend:

Do any laundry and ironing as soon as Fuzz is home tonight

Pumpkin Farm Saturday morning (Thing 2's first time!)

Introducing Fuzz to our "nephew"

Stop in at the PD

Any errands Fuzz has that I am unaware of

And who knows what else...

Oh Baby!

Fuzz met his "husband" while working at his most recent job, as a Community Service Officer.  I call this friend and co-worker his "husband" because they were always together at work.  I love the friendship they have, and I have just as good of a friendship with his wife.  They are "Auntie" and "Uncle" to our little girls.  They have always been there for us, for whatever we have needed.  

Now is the time when they need us... Their little baby boy was born this morning.  He was not due until Halloween, so he was 27 days early.  He is one teeny tiny baby boy, but he is very strong.  I am so excited to be a part of this little man's life.  I cannot wait to spoil him as much as they have spoiled our girls.  

I just wish I was able to speak to Fuzz and tell him that his "nephew" was born today.  We knew he would probably miss it, being at the Academy, but neither of us even had it on our minds that it would be so soon.  I am hoping they let Fuzz call me this week, otherwise he will get the news on Friday that his "husband" is now a daddy!

One Down...

Yes, I have already started counting down.  I have heard from a few friends that I should not start counting down until AT LEAST the half way point.  Oops... I cannot help but think, "One week down, only eleven more to go."  To be completely honest, I actually have a "countdown" app on my phone, and that already has how many days left until "I get my husband back."  

Fuzz left a little after noon this time.  Much better than 5 AM, but almost nearly as hard.  I definitely tried to get as much done Friday afternoon, so that Fuzz wouldn't have to worry about it on his very very short time at home.  Even though there wasn't much to do at home, it still seems that we ran out of time.  Between running some errands that Fuzz had to do before heading back, checking in with his department, and whatever else, there just didn't seem to be enough hours in the day.  We definitely went to bed too late, got up too early, and then it was over.

It's pretty hectic trying to cram in errands, laundry, ironing, de-linting, household things I may not be able to do, Daddy/Daughter time with the girls, and hopefully some quality "us" time.  Hopefully we get into a good routine with this, so that things don't feel as rushed.

From all the blogs and info I have read it says that I should not "burden" Fuzz with the stress that I had being alone with two babies, and no contact with him.  They say that he had to deal with way worse, and he doesn't need to hear it.  The Academy told Fuzz that he shouldn't burden me with his complaints about what he did all week.  That no matter how rough it was for him, I had it just as bad being home alone taking care of his house, his children, and the rest of life.  They told him that he had someone to wake him, plan his meals and feed him, tell him when to do everything, and that I still had to go about regular life, but without him. 

We talked about that.  We decided that it was best for us to share what we were going through.  Neither of us are trying to compete with who has it worse.  We feel it's important to spend some time on the phone while he drives the 4.5 hours home talking about how the week went, how sore he is, who got yelled at, etc.  And I can share with him how long it took Thing 1 to go to bed, how many times I had to get up in the night with Thing 2, the nightmare of two little ones at the store, etc.  We get it all out of the way after saying hello.  We plan to try to do this every time he comes home.  We feel it's important to hear about all of that because we aren't able to experience it together, and we aren't able to share with one another during the week.  We hope that there will be less "complaining" on both our parts as we adjust.  And we are aiming for all the "catching each other up on things" to be done before he walks in the door, so that our actual time together is spent just being a family.  

I am really hoping that this week goes by quickly so my darling Fuzz can be with us once again.  I am also hoping that it goes by quickly for him since he is going through something that is pretty rough.  

Stay tough Fuzz, stay tough!

Another Call

Got a text from Fuzz that said, "I'm leaving now.  Let me find my way to the highway and I'll call you."

About a second later one of my bestfriends sent me a text asking if my hubby was on his way home yet.  

Then he called.  

He still has a few hours worth of driving to get home.  I will definitely be watching the clock all night.  

I could not be more excited.

S.A.D

Yes, I would say that I am actually sad, but the S.A.D I am referring to is more like Seasonal Affective Disorder AKA seasonal depression, etc.

I'm not sure I REALLY have this, but it sure feels like it.  We have had nothing but rain since Sunday.  The gloom outside is definitely not helping my already down-in-the-dumps attitude.  

Now the real question is: Am I more down-in-the-dumps than usual because of the weather? Or, is Mother Nature giving us this weather because I am so down that she can't help it?

Is It Friday Yet?

I am currently on maternity leave from work.  I go back to work at the end of October.  Since giving birth to Thing 2 my days were running together.  I really had no concept of what day of the week it was.  I really only sort of knew the days of the week once Fuzz went back to work after taking some time off after Thing 2 was born.  Since all my days ran together I kind of ignored comments from friends about how it was Monday again, or could it be Friday yet.  Being on leave meant that I didn't have to wish for Friday to come faster.  Now I sit here wishing for Friday more than I ever have before.

Better yet... Can we just fast-forward the next 12 weeks?

The Call

"Write down this emergency number.  I can't call again until Friday.  I want you to know I'm here, I'm safe, and I love you."

Then he was gone.

This is the phone call I received about 2 hours ago.

---------

He left today with us thinking he would not be able to call until Friday on his way home (he has to drive the nearly 5 hours back home every Friday night and then back to the Academy on Sunday).

A friend that was at the same Academy recently, said that his class did well enough that they had about 10 mins total to get to their cars, make their calls, and then be back to wherever they were.  That happened mid-week.  We were hopeful that this might be the case this time.

I almost think this phone call might have been harder than not talking to him at all.  Before I at least had the hope that he might call mid-week, but now I know he will not.

I guess that just makes Friday even better... Right?

And Thus It Begins...

We are definitely a "rookie cop" family.  Fuzz was sworn in a week ago.  This morning at 5:30 AM he packed up the car and left for the Police Academy that is nearly 5 hours away.

He left right after I put Thing 2 back down after a feeding.  We weren't going to wake Thing 1, but since she was freaking out over a lost pacifier in her bed... well, we figured she might as well say good-bye.  According to her Daddy has to "go away," but I don't know if she gets it yet.

She crawled in bed with me, we said goodbye, and the tears began to fall.... for me, and for my new officer.  He may kill me for writing that, being the tough cop and all, but he is human too.

It's not really the time away that is killing me, even though it partly is.  It's the no phone calls, no texts, no emails that is killing me.  When Fuzz worked at his other job, he did many days where he was not home all day and was still working past bedtime, but he always made the "night night call" to Thing 1, and was always in bed with me at some point in the night.  That might be what's killing me most.

I think it is extra hard because FIRST: I don't really know what's going on for him.  I don't like him not being able to check in and tell me how his day is going, or that he is okay.  I'm not sure I can wait until the weekend to find out how badly they are yelling at him, or how badly they are "beating up" on him.  SECOND: I am "stuck" home alone with a 2.5 year old, a 2 month old, and a mild case of post-partum depression.  I don't like to even mention the last bit out loud (or in writing in this case).  My post-partum hormones are still making me a little crazy.

I know Fuzz can handle whatever they throw at him, and I know he will be so preoccupied with his day that he won't have time to worry too much about us.  It's not him I am worried about... It's my brain thinking "how am I going to do this by myself for the next three months?"  That's what has me worried right now...

I know I will make it through this, it is only part way through day one... but it's going to be tough.

We Heart Our Cop!  And we miss him already!

A Little History

Hi.  I am Wife of Fuzz.  I wasn't always, but I am now.  I guess I should mention that I am more than just a wife to a police officer, but for the sake of this blog... that's who I am.  My husband, Fuzz, has wanted to be a Police Officer for quite some time now.  I can't really say when he first wanted to, but I know I helped give him the push in that direction.

Let's see... We met in high school (me one grade ahead of him).  We went to the same college (both graduating a semester early and again me one grade ahead of him).  We got married less than a month after I graduated, in 2006.  The whole time through college Fuzz worked as a Community Service Officer for a local police department.  He continued to work there after graduation, since neither of us found jobs pertaining to our degrees.  About a year and a half after we were married, he started working full-time as a CSO at a different department.  He continued working part-time at the other (until first child was born).  Somewhere in there he started taking police tests.

So, four + years later.... Fuzz has taken countless POWER tests, countless written tests, done who knows how many interview, and is on MANY MANY MANY police eligibility lists.  Oh yeah... and throw in the two little girls that we now have.  Thing 1 is 2.5 and Thing 2 is about to be 2 months.

Summer 2011 was definitely busy for us.  Mega storms caused damage and flooding to our area, Thing 2 was born in the midst of that, and a few days after leaving the hospital with Thing 2.... Fuzz gets THE CALL!

Cue me... freaking out a little.  Don't get me wrong... this is what he and we have been waiting for.  All the "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" comments.  I guess I just didn't expect THIS to happen as I was adjusting to being a family of four, instead of three.  In the days and weeks following Thing 2's birth Fuzz did background, interviews, tests, etc.  We knew it was going to happen.  It wasn't official until the beginning of this month though.  And not even that official until just recently.

Fuzz put in his papers at his old job, started at his new job, and he is now at the Police Academy....